How are You Today?

By Katie Helmreich

“Hey! How are you today?” “Good, good. How are you?” How many times do we ask or hear that question in a day? How many times do we give any thought at all to the answer? After all, there are really only about three socially normal answers: Good. Fine. And, Busy!

Often, the things we’re really feeling go unsaid, even to those closest to us. Can you imagine how much it would throw off the small talk routine to answer with, “You know what? I’m feeling enthusiastic, optimistic, and engaged with a touch of sheer panic. How about you?”

Honestly, how often do we actually know what we’re feeling? It takes some thoughtful attention. Even then, it can be difficult to find words to describe the nuanced emotions we live with on a regular basis.

We can feel like no one knows us, not really. But if I can’t actually describe how I’m feeling, can I expect someone else to understand? And yet we so desperately need to be known…

Putting words to our emotions makes feelings like anger, embarrassment, or inadequacy feel less intense. Mental health studies have shown naming emotions to be a powerful tool in moving through our own most difficult feelings, and a super effective way to help others. Piece of cake, right? 

Thing is, putting a name on our emotions seems so simple, we often skip this step. What’s 2+2? 4. If I asked you to show your work, you’d give me stink-eye. It’s too obvious. We often feel the same way about our emotions. 

How are you feeling? 

Show your work.

After you’re done rolling your eyes, the knee-jerk answer, “Stressed,” may actually become: “low energy, discouraged, reactive, unappreciated, and stuck.” 

I can’t do much about “stressed,” but naming the emotions under the surface not only helps in itself, it gives me a little direction. Maybe instead of focusing on reasons for my stress, I can look for something that will boost my low energy, something to clear my mind that will feel like a small win, like taking a short walk outside.

Being more specific or granular when you describe your own emotions can help you process what’s going on in that confusing heart and mind of yours. It works with other people, too. 

One of my kids has been struggling through a difficult season. Feeling misunderstood usually goes with being a teen. Adding in depression or anxiety increases that feeling of isolation, of an unknowable other-ness.

On our way back to school after a particularly difficult doctor’s appointment, that sense of not being known came through loud and clear. Apparently, I’d misunderstood her reactions and interactions with the doctor. I truly thought the last thing we tried had helped to a degree, but she didn’t feel heard completely, and I mistook her quiet for agreement; she said she was just at a loss for words. 

After tears and anger started to ebb, I pulled out the Exploring Emotions sheet I had been using as a part of the Disciple Like You Mean It training. Having that tool within arm’s reach at that moment felt like a prayer answered before I prayed it. 

This list of both light and heavy emotions gave her language to choose from, making it easier for her to understand herself and invite me in by hearing them from her. 

I asked her to circle at least 8 emotions, and as many more as she felt described how she’s been feeling the past day or two. The naming of emotions helped, especially in the level of granularity the list makes accessible. Together, we noticed that what she needed most at this stage was the right words to describe her experience. 

So we ran a little experiment. As we walked through different approaches for helping her out of the darkness, she agreed to take a next step by texting me around five emotion words a few times a day. I kept track of the words she used and replied to her with a short prayer. 

Usually, my prayer went something like, “Lord Jesus, my daughter is feeling lonely, nervous, and stuck. She’s also had moments where she felt content and engaged. Thank you for being with her in those emotions. We know that you will continue to guard her heart and mind, Amen.”

Naming emotions as part of your regularly-scheduled maintenance is a great practice for anybody. It’s all over the news, podcasts, and blogosphere. But naming emotions with Jesus is overwhelmingly incredible!

My daughter felt lighter after texting her emotional check-ins. She felt supported and seen when she received my prayer replies. I felt less helpless, remembering that hope and healing will come through the Holy Spirit within her, and doesn’t rely on me alone. 

Gradually, her check-ins got brighter and brighter until she decided we don’t need to continue with that structured routine for now. Looking back at the list of her feelings shows God at work in a way that would normally seem intangible. Instead, we have a record of the Holy Spirit mercifully working restoration.

When we explore and name our emotions with Jesus big things happen! Often, we hesitate to admit we’re feeling things like vindictiveness, shame, aggression, or inflexibility. Sometimes we don’t even feel confident enough to admit we’re feeling prepared, invigorated, or empowered! 

But Jesus already knows what you are feeling! And he understands! Noticing your emotions with Jesus isn’t giving him new information! It’s inviting Jesus to be present with you in the midst of what you are experiencing.

Few things are more beautifully liberating than resting securely in our Savior’s complete understanding. There is nothing so big or ugly that it will make him love us less! There is nothing too silly or insignificant to celebrate with him!

Sometimes, even putting a name on our own emotions can be a struggle. When my daughter had trouble saying what she was feeling, we got to talk about how Jesus knows her emotions even better than she does, how 100% loved and cherished she is, even at her worst. 

I asked her what she thought Jesus would tell her about not being able to find the right words, or about feeling like she shouldn’t bother anybody even when it felt like things weren’t getting better. I think it was a big deal for her to actually say that the Spirit would give the words she can’t find (Romans 8:26-28), in prayer and probably in other ways, too. And it meant a lot to think that Jesus would want her to feel connected to others. Then we talked about what small things she could do as she lives in faith, trusting that both those things are true. 

Getting comfortable with noticing your emotions without self-judging is a big next step. By putting in emotional trail markers along the way, we got a better picture of what’s going on emotionally, not just what we thought should be going on. And my hope is that, in noticing those feelings with Jesus before she notices them with mom, she’ll continue to experience the type of peace and security she can only get through Jesus in prayer.

So, how are you today?

Show your work.

Take a few moments to notice how you’re feeling. But notice those emotions with Jesus; he won’t judge you or try to fix you. But he will be with you. It may feel awkward at first, but lean into it a little, dig a little deeper, run a small experiment. Use the Exploring Emotions sheet, if it helps.

No matter what you’re feeling, Jesus is with you. That changes everything. 

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